the Anxious Extrovert - 2

Three weeks in confinement now and it’s come to mind how much I’ve learned about myself. First of all, how little I really need for both survival and happiness. Now that my social media is all about fitness and eating, nothing in between, I realize that the true balance of happiness (for myself) comes from being good with myself. It sounds redundant but it really isn’t. How often do I know what’s best for me rather than what’s what people expect from me? And then again, do people really expect something from me or is it my perception of what people “want” from me that stops me from really doing what’s best for me? God, all these questions and it all comes down to “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Knowing and enjoying to be with yourself is said to be the key for inner peace. Every time I’m alone with my thoughts I get two things; inspired and guilt. This may not be what you expected, I’m sorry, I’m not here to tell you I’m enlightened and I’ve found the solution for inner peace. But I am here to say that I am very much aware of the work that I need to put to accomplish some version of inner peace.

The first couple weeks of this confinement period I was feeling helpless; I couldn’t seem to focus on anything, my mind kept racing everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I couldn’t formulate a single analysis of a statement to save my life. As the time passed, and my anxiety grew, I turned to the good old and effective saying of “fuck it”. I decided not to pressure myself. To just be. Not easy since then Mr. Guilt emerged from behind and kept saying things like “how can you be so calm when the whole world is burning?” and I mean… I guess, yes. How can I be so calm? But I concluded that it serves of no purpose to literally ANYONE if I’m a wreck BY MYSELF. I kept thinking of the example in the airplanes of “put your own mask first before assisting others” and isn’t this the most basic example of “check yourself before you wreck yourself” (and others).

When I feel “guilted” by someone for coping with the current situation in a different way than they are coping with this, I just remember it all comes from their own perspective. I read a phrase that said that all judgment comes from own experience and once you learn that you realize that, anything anyone says is really a confession. Read that again because once you read this you are now accountable by anything you say. I realized that any judgement that comes out of my mouth is a reflection of myself! Goddamn it self-growth! It is way easier to go around life not knowing this! But then again, it also helps the way you receive information from other people since it shifts your mind from believing that people’s perception of you is real, when it’s not.

The only thing I’m focusing in right now is to accept the way I’m coping with this. I am learning that it may not be perfect but as long as I’m giving my 100% commitment in becoming a better person for me, then that is good enough for me. While doing this, I must add, I do not ever forget the absolute state of luck I am currently in, how blessed I am to have this time to think about myself while many others don’t have that luxury during this epidemic. It is important to remember this.

Disclaimer: I write everything in my own words, I will never write in a way that you feel lectured since that’s the last thing I would want you to take from my text. This is my personal experience and if it helps you, go for it. If it doesn’t then… ?

“Expect struggle in any worthwhile endeavor”

Brendon Burchard